What To Do in Hucknall When You're Dead

Apparently, play Bingo.

Or go to the cinema.

But I get ahead of myself; last weekend we decided we'd take the tram out of town to visit Hucknall.

Hucknall?

Yes, Hucknall. The ancestral home of Lord Byron (really) and his daughter Ada (who is famous for computer languages. Seriously)

So! We grab the kids, head down to the merchant square and hop on the tram.

Hucknall is about 10 miles north of the Notts city center. We figure that means a 15-20 minute tram ride.

35 minutes later we pull into Hucknall. I would elaborate on the picturesque countryside and towns we passed on the way, except there were none. The areas we passed looked more like Teaneck or Yonkers than Stratford-on-Avon.

The first thing you see after leaving the tram station is a 20 foot tall statue of a shirtless coal miner. I know what you're thinking... I LOVE THIS TOWN!

We walk down the main drag in Hucknall and soon see the reverence with which they regard Lord Byron. This is of course embodied by the Byron Bingo and Cinema building. Again, I know what you're thinking... what could better embody the spirit of a romantic poet than a bingo parlor in a coal mining town?

Unperturbed, we continue to the church where Byron is buried. The church is 16th century, and I'm eager to see the architecture and stained glass.

Of course, the church is open for tours... for two hours per week. In an astonishing coincidence, we are not there for those two hours.

Disappointed, we decide to get some food. We pile into a local pub and wait. And wait.

It occurs to us that we don't know how to order food at a pub. We can't tell the "waiters" from the patrons. So I go to the bar to ask. The bartender tells me (partially resorting to charades due to his accent) that they actually aren't serving food today.

Of course not! Clearly the menus on every table were there to describe the food that you might get another time. Today we feast on companionship and warm beer!

We leave, companionship and warm beer being what we had for breakfast (kidding). We spy a grocery store and spend our strange british coins on some snacks and take the long ride home.

I never really liked Byron anyway.